Here we go...

here we go again. i'm writing something here. if my website is anything like my youtube channel then no one's paying any attention and...

here we go again... hesitating... tired again... sat at computer while tired again... everything's fairly pointless... all my endeavours that is! pffff what's the point?

here we go again... what's the point of programming... when nobody will use it? when nobody is interested? and who can blame them when there's better tools out there? more advanced tools with better user interfaces and better sound quality and greater flexibility, etc etc etc. despite all the hard work i put in.

despite all my hard work at these things, once i'm out of the zone... when i get in the zone producing these things... when i'm there, my mind is focused on that alone... locked down... problems tackled... struggled with... interrupted by work... surmounted... interrupted by work... constantly interrupted by work... when a problem is solved i feel i've done good, that i'm worth something. really! its very satisfying. i feel like i've achieved something... then the struggle continues... my grip loosens... i don't have enough time any longer... i'm doing other things... to my bike... interruptions by work... too much else to do...

Here we go again! It's slipped my grasp, I feel down at heel. No one stars the code, no one follows the progress. Two people ask questions and I answer and hear no more...This all energy sucking hobby... Cycling to work? No! Coding! You mean cycling to work? No! Cycling to coding? No coding to cycle to code? Work? No errors? Warnings? Extra wall? Pfffff.

I get out the zone, can't see how I could have got into it. It all seems shoddy anyway. All my output. If it was that great, would it feel so utterly pointless? I wonder what I could do if I were doing it for a living? The progress I could have made. The lost potential. The waste of time that is my job. If only they paid me to do what I want instead of that waste of time job. Stand by machine. Plug machine into ears. Listen to machine made music. Blot out surroundings. Set self to auto-pilot. Work as a machine in partnership with a machine. Await the one break time. Await the shift end. Pity me. Pity me. Poor fool that I am.

Await shift end. Cycle home. Cycle to work. Cycle machine. Cycle home. Cycle computer. Cycle for loop. Cycles cycle cycle..............

Information

"Here we go..."

i don't quite know what this will be yet

Journal entry - 01:14 Friday 11 April 2014

DISCLAIMER: The opinions and attitudes of James W. Morris as expressed here in the past may or may not accurately reflect the opinions and attitudes of James W. Morris at present, moreover, they may never have.

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